Monday, January 28, 2013


Alex Watches Movies: Ted

Can I just tell you how much I love Redbox?  I love Redbox a lot.  Why?  Because I never pay for it.  (Read more here to find out how you, too, can watch new movies for free!)

Tonight's free show was the movie Ted, starring Marky Mark, the hot girl from The '70s Show, and Peter Griffin.  In case the title doesn't ring a bell, it's the movie where the titular character is teddy bear who comes to life and is a drunken, weed-smoking best friend to Johnny, played by Mark Wahlberg.  Johnny is 35 and trying to get his act together to keep his long-time girlfriend, Lori (Mila Kunis), to stay with him.  Hilarity ensues, with some touching moments.  Supposedly, anyway.

Looks awesome, right?
This could have been a great movie, you know, for people that are into stupid stoner comedies (such as myself).  Unfortunately, it feel pretty flat in a barrage of "jokes" that were every -ist in the book.  If you're not a straight white cisgender male, well, Seth MacFarlane (the director) made sure to make fun of you at some point.  There were racist stereotypes, "no homo" comments, and they managed to fit in some body-shaming and ableism in there as well, just for kicks.

The boyfriend and I had a chat about it after the show.  He's more inclined to let things slide in the name of a good film than I am, so we didn't quite agree on this one.  He's bothered by the -isms "humor" like me, but he's not as sensitive to it.  I spend a whole lot of my free time working towards equality for anyone and everyone, so I'm definitely more apt to pick up on these things and find them unfunny.

Here's the thing, y'all: Why do we need to make jokes at anyone's expense when there are fart jokes in the world?!  Seriously!  If you want some good ol' lowbrow humor, throw in some dick jokes, some fart jokes, and some silly physical comedy and you're all set.  How about some good puns?  The Brits love those, so should we!  I'm not trying to be any sort of puritanical here (trust me, I have the mouth and mind of a sailor sometimes), just compassionate and kind.  I'm gay, so when I see jokes that target gay people in movies or on television, I feel bad about myself.  It's not that I'm going to go hide in my bed for days, but I feel bad because I know that I'm a part of a demographic because of how my brain works that puts me at a disadvantage in society, and that people will continue to discriminate against because they see gay jokes in movies and on television and think it's okay.

Equalize it, y'all!

It's not okay.

It's also not okay for people to joke about these things ironically.  If you make an ironic racist joke, you're still making a racist joke!  It's still not funny!  This post on Jezebel talks about "hipster racism" (AKA racism) quite well.

In conclusion, Seth MacFarlane, please get with the times.  Gay jokes, racism, calling someone a retard, and body-shaming fat people aren't funny anymore.  Find some new material.  Two paws down.

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